Thank You

Thank You

Gratitude in a Time of Crisis

Throughout the entirety of this pandemic, the feelings of worthlessness, a lack of motivation, and self-disparagement have crept their way back into my mind. I feel myself regress more and more everyday, becoming less happy at each repetitive day. I need structure, I need purpose, I need people.

With all of this time left to myself, I was able to ponder what matters to me most and why I am so thankful for those things. My values have always remained steadfast throughout my life, but I have never taken the time to wonder why they have remained with me. When the class decided upon showcasing three values which have remained near to me my entire life, I began to realize why each of them are so important. The values of well-being, relationships, and persistence, to me, are all interwoven.

Well-Being:

The prospect of well-being has always been something I tried my best to accomplish but never fully realized. I have always been told by others the importance of taking time for yourself, but my mind seemed bent on making sure I never pursued it. 

I always loved playing my guitar. As cliche and corny as it sounds, it's cathartic for me. I'm by no means good at it, but it drives my sense of security. I am able to experience a brief respite from reality when I begin playing. 

Whenever I had previously taken time for myself, my mind would always conquer urging me to get ahead on school work or prepare for the upcoming day at my job. It was not until I was exposed to my new found friends that I was able to feel fully comfortable in dedicating time to myself. 

Relationships:

My experiences throughout grade school were pretty negative, to say the least. My studies and education was always alright, but I struggled to make friends. Whether it be from what was going on at home or my own dissatisfaction with myself, I found it incredibly difficult to connect with others. I had a small group of friends, but the connections were never consistent in each grade. I instead resorted to music. I listened to albums by the likes of Nirvana, PJ Harvey, and the Breeders to gain a sense of connection to others. The art and their creators subsequently filled the void that was left by being an outcast.

It was not until reaching college where I finally found a deep connection to others. The individuals I have come across thus far have been nothing short of welcoming, accepting, and compassionate, especially towards a flawed individual like myself. It is then when I realized that these people were the reason I have held on for so long.

Persistence:

Without my relationships that inspired me to pursue my well-being, I would have no self-efficacy to continue forward. After examining each one of the values separately, I realized each one fills the others.

The incredible people I have met and the connections I have made are what excites me most in life. Though they are difficult to obtain, they are vital to ensuring that I am the best person I can possibly be. I found that I had always been looking for these individuals, and now that I have found them, I must pass on what they have given me.

Life goes beyond the simple confines of myself. Exposure to kindness and compassion has shown me that I deserve those things, but more importantly, I must show others that they are worth those same feelings as well. 

This is where this class has had the most profound impact on me. Each of my classmates has provided an environment that was equal parts honest and safe, which has given me the opportunity to grow immensely. Outside of the classroom, the emails I received my professor relating to me and the jacket that hangs in my closet given to by a close friend serve as reminders for the true meaning of humanity, which is to be here for others.

If there is one thing that I have learned throughout this semester, it is that we are stronger together. I struggled while creating this blog to find ways to examine how these are collective values for each of us, but I soon discovered how this entire semester has been built upon us instilling each other with them.

The Chris who entered this class went through an immense overhaul. I now see the value in life's hardships. I used to be bitter for why I had to be anorexic or bullied, but those things were just leading me towards where I am now. Without challenges, I would not have the opportunity to build such worthwhile connections to people I value the most. I was able to buy myself a Fender Jaguar, my dream guitar, after years of telling myself I just wasn't worth it.

More importantly though, I found my purpose for continuing on. I must try to be there for others as all of you were here for me.

Thank you so much everyone, for teaching me why WE are important.